What To Do, What To Do

Well, anyone wondering where we stand in the world of infertility and what we might be doing next can wonder no more ... after LOTS of talking, praying, seeing doctors and talking to trusted friends and family, we have decided to do another cycle of IVF. Even though it's time for another laparoscopic surgery for me to work on my faithful friend, endometriosis, we've decided to skip that because it could potentially make an IVF cycle worse. Of course nobody knows for sure, which is the fun part of infertility. This has been a really hard time for us, and as usual, our friends and family have come through, so I thank you. We are incredibly blessed, and if at the end of this long and winding road, we have our one and only beautiful Annie, we will know she was a gift from God, just as we know now.

Gatlinburg pictures, part 4

Bathtime

Read, Read

Gatlinburg Pictures, Part 3

Gatlinburg Pictures, Part 2

Pictures, Part 1

Extra Extra Read All About It

Gatlinburg vacation pictures on the way ...

Our Baby Girl

The New Camera

Who can tell we're playing with our new camera??

Saturday With the Girls

Motherhood

ok, whoever in their not-so-right mind said being a mom was easy has obviously never tried it, especially being a stay-at-home mom ... contrary to popular belief (and as I've said before) we who choose and are able to stay home with our precious children do NOT eat bon-bons, drink champagne, and watch "Oprah." At all. Most likely and most every single day we change a million diapers, remove our child's fingers from our nostrils for the millionth time, show her that yes, we, too have a belly button but maybe mommy doesn't want to show everyone in the allergy shot waiting room her tummy, go to the bathroom with a small audience if you count all my girls, do laundry, do dishes, and wonder why our neighbor doesn't cut his grass. (ok, that last one was personal.) Nope, being a mom is sort of like what I imagine being a soldier is like, minus the IED's, snipers (who knew they could hit you from a mile away?) and constant fear of death. And this mom only has one child. And we're doing IVF why? Oh, right, for those moments when your child gives you a hug out of the blue, calls you "Mommy" and wants to be picked up and held when they're scared. Plus most days it's just fun. And a miracle. Ah, motherhood ...

Annie's First Football Game

This is Annie at her first football game (Vanderbilt vs. someone) and Annie in her jammies just hanging around ...

Ramblings

(Ok, for the benefit of my Ole Miss-loving family members, enjoy your day ... Mississippi State was lovely enough to lose 45-0 on national television last night, and Kelly, I KNOW you and Michael were singing the Ole Miss fight song to Spencer ... wicked, wicked people.)

Now, I haven't really written anything since the end of this last IVF cycle, but today I think maybe I should. First off, it's taken me awhile to acknowledge that the whole IVF process is hard; I know that sounds strange, but I am not a fan of being seen as weak or vulnerable, so somehow I wouldn't let myself see IVF for what is truly is: hell. Now it's a hell that we willingly went to, but I just couldn't let myself see it that way for a long time.

This last week or so has been absolutely horrible, and I've liked to think maybe I would just crawl under our bed and stay there. Only two problems: lots of people wouldn't let me, and we have a beautiful daughter who needs me. Otherwise, it has been really, really hard to let go of this cycle, accept the fact that it didn't work, and move on to the next one. It has also been extraordinarily difficult not to lay blame on myself for the fact that it didn't work because endometriosis (the love of my life) was most likely largely to blame. Still, having a severe case of endometriosis is not anything I have control over. It's been really, really hard to admit that ... I like to have some kind of control. Again, only one problem: God's in charge, especially of IVF.

I've said this before, but when things are hard you really find out who your friends are, and we have. We are so blessed to have the family that we do, and for those of you who know that family you understand. Amazing doesn't even begin to describe them. Their support is unending and always has been. As for my friends, I don't even know what to say. I'll just leave it that their support is also unending.

When we moved here from Gulfport, I did NOT like the idea of having to change to a new fertility clinic, but going back to Mobile wasn't an option. We live ... well, since I'm not quite sure about all the geography stuff, we'll just say we live way too far away. So I started going to the clinic here and lo and behold if I haven't met some of the most wonderful people there. They're incredibly compassionate and caring and, maybe most important to me, fun. I'll be having my blood drawn for the millionth time and still smiling because I'm talking to the phlebotomist about how bad Matthew McConaughy has got to smell even though he's beautiful. And then there's my nurse ... as I've written before, she has become a wonderful friend and is perfect at her job. She certainly knows how to put me in my place ( I need it sometimes) but she's also always there when I need her.

Last but not least, I can't leave out Anthony. Most of y'all know him so you know how incredible he is, but let me assure you that he really steps it up when we're going through IVF. I have no idea how he puts up with me, but he does and always has. Somehow we still laugh and have fun, and I will love him forever.

And as for our precious Annie, well, she's just a miracle. She's got this zest for life and is almost always smiling and laughing. We adore her beyond words, laugh at her constantly, and remember why we did IVF in the first place. She is God's gift to us ...

Now for the future: we will be doing another cycle of IVF as soon as I start my period (sorry, guys, but there is no modesty here.) So now we wait ...

Our Annie