Hollywood Glamour

taking break from discussing medical hoopla to talk about last night's Oscars, the pinnacle of Hollywood glamour. in all fairness must say we watched "Friday Night Lights" last night and only saw bits and pieces of the Oscars. ("Friday Night Lights" is EXCELLENT) nonetheless not overly impressed with chris rock as find him unnervingly loud and find self sitting on edge of seat to see if he will utter profanity. am truly getting old. don't understand why oprah is such good friends with him ... perhaps she knows him better than I do. imagine that. happy that Hillary Swank won although haven't seen her movie. also happy Morgan Freeman won because find him to be amazing actor. am very motivated to see "Million Dollar Baby" soon as am swept up in wave of appreciation for oscar winners ... also feel movie will inspire self to hang punching bag in garage and get in better shape. always find oscars to be meaningful and applicable in many areas of personal life. following dixie chicks tour perhaps will find time to be presenter at next year's oscar ceremony ... continuing to dream big.

Migraine Miracle

wonderful happening this morning ... woke up with migraine, which would normally lay me out for anywhere from 24-30 hours (and I mean I would be in the bed with the blinds closed); however, took new migraine medicine and felt fine within less than two hours. is a miracle! am grateful beyond belief for imitrex, which seems to work really well for me. plus, it's available in nasal spray as well as injections in addition to the tablets, and let's face it: i'm no amateur when it comes to shots. haven't had to use the shot form yet, though.
continue to be curious about approaching surgery ... 8 days and counting. am most disturbed about pre-op instructions to remove toenail polish. WHY?? have had numerous laparoscopic surgeries in the past and have never had to go without toenail polish. most disappointed as can't wear make-up for surgery, so only method of boosting self-esteem on day when will be forced to wear embarassing hospital gown is to ensure attractive nails. most distressing.
have been asked recently about writing style on this webpage and why some days writing is in this most informal style with sentence fragments and no capitalization and why some days writing is full sentences with appropriate capitalization. truth is i don't know. writing suits mood, I guess, and everyone knows mood shifts are constant in women. no rational explanation needed or even available if am honest. women are crazy ... self included.

Decisions

completely forgot to write last night as parents are here for a few days and had VERY busy day yesterday ... all is well at the moment. have had fun day today with visiting, eating, etc. am finding myself enjoying IVF break and all that accompanies IVF cycle. wonder how long that will last ...
pondering looming sinus surgery and what that might entail. am still hoping for similar face to the one I have now when surgery is over. also hoping to breathe from more than one nostril after re-alignment of deviated septum and reduction of turbinates. amazed at own medical knowledge sometimes and considering med school when all is said and done. probably would be age 82 when completed education, internship, etc. but seems unimportant at the moment. am swept away with image of self in white doctor coat ... or perhaps I would be a casual look-I'm-just-like-you in my casual clothes doctor. big decision.

Medical Victory

interesting day as many days are. went back to ENT for discussion about CT scan and scheduling of sinus surgery. CT scan showed an enlarged lymph node, which will be removed when I have the sinus surgery. (the proverbial two birds with one stone) outpatient surgery scheduled for march 8 ... overall recovery around 7-10 days. good time for renting important and timely movies such as hope floats, pretty woman and the like and reading important and influential books such as gardening for dummies. and yes, I do have that book in my possession. will be relaxing time as well as a smidge disgusting as I will be bleeding from my nose for a couple of days. must weigh disgusting bodily happenings with improved sense of breathing and overall quality of life. feel quality of life wins hands down. medical victory today.

Bubble Girl No More

red letter day in my life ... turns out the "sinus headaches" I've had for the past four years have been migraines. may sound like trauma but is actually a VERY good thing as now I know there are ways to treat them to prevent these headaches from becoming debilitating events that knock me out for 24 hours. met WONDERFUL doctor who put all the pieces of the puzzle together to come up with the migraine diagnosis. upon reflection makes perfect sense. however, because of numerous migraine medications out there and need to find the perfect regimen for me will have to put ivf on hold for several months as must give body time to test each med to see what works on my headaches. sounds like setback but in actuality am very grateful as would LOVE to have migraine situation completely under control before becoming pregnant.
CT scan of neck this AM was super fantastic ... IV involved to shoot iodine through upper body to provide the contrast for the scan. very strange, really, as iodine is what parental unit used to put on the back of my sore throat during childhood. odd to have it coursing through my body and wonder now where it all went. hate to think where iodine may emerge ...

Medical Marvels

Wow, what an afternoon ... before I talk about the dr's appt. I must first describe a very exciting sewing victory from earlier in the day. Now consider that my most sophisticated sewing techniques to this day involve hemming pants with duct tape, and I am not ashamed about that AT ALL. In fact, I find it to be rather resourceful. Anyway, I was choosing my "cute but competent" outfit for the dr's office, and the shirt I wanted to wear was missing a button. Well, not techincally missing as the button has been sitting on my dresser for about 5 months now ... Anyway, I set out to sew on the button. (yes, I know many of you out there are master seamstresses, but for me this was a red letter sewing day all about perseverance.) So I plopped down in front of "Two Weeks Notice" on HBO (Hugh Grant is so yummy), and after re-threading the needle 5 times, sticking myself 6 times, and having to re-attach the button too many times to count, I had sewn the button back down. Now it may have taken 45 minutes but so what? I fought the little sewing kit, and I won.
But onto more important matters. First, the doctor I met today was wonderful and said that he felt my congestion problems could be fixed by re-positioning my deviated septum and reducing the size of my turbinates, which basically control the opening to the sinuses. He described it as decreasing the turbinates from the size of grapes to the size of raisins. However, he feels the headaches I described sound more vascular in nature (i.e. migraines or cluster headaches) and made me an appt. with a neurologist on Monday. Then, on exam, he found I have an enlarged lymph node on one side of my neck, or it may be a cyst. Either way, he said it's nothing to worry about, but I have to have a CT scan done of my neck (also on Monday) to determine if it's large enough that it needs to be removed. So, in summary, I will have a CT scan of my neck on Monday morning followed by a neurologist appt. on Monday afternoon. Then Tuesday I return to my doctor from today to schedule my septum surgery; by then, he will have the results of my CT scan, and if the lymph node/cyst needs to be removed, he will plan to do that at the same time as the septum surgery.
THANK GOD my IVF cycle was cancelled !! Can you imagine ????

Welcome to the Jungle

Bubble Girl signing in ...
Continuing sinus malfunction today -- cannot WAIT for doctor's appt. tomorrow. SOOO glad IVF cycle was cancelled so that this nasal calamity can be fixed.
Highlight of day was watching Canon, the almost two-year-old son of my cousin, Danielle, and her husband, Craig. He is such an easygoing child :) Although jungle-like temperatures continued today he spotted firelogs in the garage and we built a fire. Less than two hours later he walked over and said "hot" with his little red face, so I turned the a/c on. oh well, still nice with beautiful fire. Had great fun with Canon today!
Speaking of jungle-like temps, the crickets are actually chirping outside, only adding to the summer-like feel. very bizarre as is still february last time I checked.

Girl in the Bubble

Well, due to continuing sinus malfunction am currently existing as girl in bubble. don't want to go outside as am allergic to every pollen that exists (seriously.) don't want to be productive indoors and clean house as am allergic to dust (again, seriously.) so continue to sit around waiting for face to explode and counting the minutes until my doctor's appt. thursday afternoon.
am currently considering moving to somewhere more allergy-friendly than the Gulf Coast as weather is constantly HUMID and is currently almost eighty degrees in middle of february. cannot be normal meterological pattern. must be due to front of some variety along with global warming with a touch of el nino causing present heat wave and jungle-like humidity. is not pleasant at all. will discuss moving to different part of country with Anthony when he gets home.
read interesting John Travolta article in "Readers Digest" last night. as well know, he is an accomplished pilot who takes his children and wife riding in all his planes, including his ultralight, which he described as a flying kite. reminded of article a couple of years ago about man who MADE his own ultralight plane at home and then was surprised when he crashed in it. really?? feel john travolta's plane is not home-made but concerned about sanity of people who make their own planes out of spare parts at home and then take to the air in them. cannot be good rational idea. don't know why I thought of that just now. obviously too much time on my hands ...

Unemployment

tis Monday with another Valentine's Day upon us. feels like every other day to me. is overcast day in Gulfport ... good for staying in pj's and having major eyebrow-grooming session while watching "Scream 3." plan was for ivf to be my full-time job (as it truly is) but as current ivf cycle cancelled am now unemployed! do productive activities most days but not today.
will celebrate valentine's day with Anthony, my grandmother, and my cousin (Danielle) tonight with dinner and a movie. am very much looking forward to it as movie-going is one of my MOST favorite activities. will see "The Wedding Date" as love debra messing and dermot mulroney ... plan to write again later tonight with a movie review ...

10:15 PM great fun tonight with family!! movie was (despite terrible reviews) really cute, although feel I am getting older and more mature as I found the movie to be somewhat morally questionable. still incredibly attractive people being humorous isn't a bad thing.

Dreaming Big

Did not write last night because of serious headache due to sinus malfunction ... am better today but wonder if removing sinuses completely would help. Aware that sinuses are air-filled cavities and that to remove them would cause collapse of face but still seems preferable to headaches. looking forward to meeting with sinus doctor on Thursday ...
People magazine arrived today with Julia Roberts on the cover holding her twins. think maybe she had ivf but is not saying. several experts weighed in on the subject in earlier article and they agree with me. (not sure what they're experts of but if quoted in People must be scholarly and credible.) experts say many "older" moms in Hollywood are undergoing IVF but not saying so. certainly their right to privacy but am curious about Julia. feel we could be ivf sisters. am already ivf sisters with emily robison of the Dixie Chicks, who did IVF to have her first child and is now pregnant with twins. feel strong bond with her and look forward to backstage passes at their next concert as soon as I write and tell her I, too, am going through IVF. perhaps will become drummer for the Dixie Chicks and join their next tour. will have own child-friendly bus with movie theater. good to dream big.

IVF Withdrawal

Has been GORGEOUS day here in Gulfport ... lots of sunshine, which we haven't seen lately. Currently sitting in front of fire and feeling like bonafide writer, such as Charles Dickens. Now wonder if they had fireplaces in his day?? Feel I need a parchment and a quill ...
Have begun to have some IVF withdrawal symptoms. Miss calling the dr's office to report various bodily happenings, such as start of period. Miss favorite IVF nurse Sabrina and the (gasp) drive to Mobile. Not overly fond of current "on hold" infertility situation but am trying to take advantage of it. Feel I should learn from this experience as it requires enormous patience, and I have no patience whatsoever. Am learning, though.
In meantime, continue Shamu-like existence and wonder when excessive poundage will vacate my body. Perhaps never but will learn to love self nonetheless.
( ***Must take a quick moment to thank you all for your encouraging words both in the guestbook and in e-mails. To one person in particular (and you know who you are) I thank you for what you wrote and for deciding it was ok for everyone else to read it. You have my eternal gratitude.)

Vanishing Brain Cells

Completely forgot to write last night ... feel newly gained fat cells are sucking out brain cells. Spent last night with Teri in Mobile since Dwayne was out of town. Great fun as we always have lots of time to visit after the girls go to bed. After roughly twenty-seven years of friendship, there's no need to explain history of any given situation as we know pretty much everybody in each other's lives so we can cover a LOT of ground in a very short period of time. Two hour window of child-free visiting opportunity is like two weeks. Nothing like best friends.
Having said that must say that being around Kiki and Abby provides a HUGE education into the world of raising kids, particularly as related to kids TV shows. Something called "High Five" (or similar title) comes on at 6 AM, and that seems to be one of Kiki's favorites. Self-respecting people dress up as cars, etc. to carry out what can only be described as seemingly low-budget but WILDLY effective children's programming. "High Five" followed by interesting program where today a penguin, rabbit and two other animals blasted into outer space. Great mystery as only the penguin and and rabbit wore spacesuits but all animals survived the trip. Found myself oddly engrossed with plot of show, actually wondering if spaceship carrying aforementioned animals would make it through re-entry even though I could see the wire holding the spaceship up. Feel there is great fortune to be made in children's shows as clearly the budget is not big AT ALL, but the shows do well. Will make mental note for future endeavor ...
Very much enjoying my IVF break ... have not missed shots even a teensy little bit. Am greatly looking forward to Ear, Nose, Throat appt. next week as am certain nasal cavities are on verge of hideous pressure-caused explosion followed by imploding collapse resulting in caved-in face. (*Note to self: must quit watching promos for Extreme Makeover and Nip/Tuck. Will not panic about possible upcoming sinus surgery and will remain confident that will still look like self when finished.)

Re-Birth of Shamu

Ironic occurrence this morning as period started. (not to gross anyone out) Immediately called favorite nurse Sabrina, who called back this afternoon and said they want me to go through one regular cycle and call them with the start of my next period. Exciting time as now have four weeks to enjoy free of ultrasounds, injections and the obligatory bloodwork. Also feel this is excellent sign as will now have adequate time to recover from sinus surgery if that is deemed appropriate treatment for chronic sinus problems.
On that note, I have an appt. next week with an ear, nose and throat surgeon who will review my CT scan films and discuss treatment options with me. Looking forward to this, although not to the actual surgery if it happens. Have read several accounts on the internet (perhaps internet not most reliable source of info??) of surgery and does not sound remotely like fun. However, surgery is excellent way to repair terribly out of control nose. Perhaps will have eyelift done while I am under??
Must go... Anthony has just returned with Marble Slab Creamery ice cream. No longer feel ANY inclination to eat in a healthy manner as somehow gained 5 pounds since last night.

Silver Lining

Well, this particular IVF cycle is now officially cancelled, not particularly to my or Anthony's surprise. Dr Koulianos did my ultrasound this AM (WONDERFUL doctor!) and said the cyst was very much still there and was causing the estrogen levels to remain elevated. If we were to continue, this situation would decrease our odds of pregnancy with this particular cycle by a whopping 50%. Yes, I know this news may sound devastating, but we were only slightly disappointed for one huge reason. The fact that this cycle is cancelled means I can (with Dr. Koulianos' recommendation) go ahead and look into having the necessary sinus surgery to fix all my sinus problems. One of the biggest issues I've had the last few months are these blinding headaches that last 24-3o hours and make me very sick, which would absolutely not be good during a pregnancy. So I have plans to talk to my allergist tomorrow (also a wonderfully kind and excellent doctor) to explain the whole situation and see about going ahead and having the surgery, which I was told was pretty much inevitable anyway. I'm a BIG believer in the fact that God allows things to happen for particular reasons, and so I think my IVF cycle was cancelled to allow me the opportunity to take care of my sinus problems.
Now as far as the next IVF cycle goes, what the cancellation means for us is that (once again) we wait for my period to start. When this joyous occasion happens, I'll basically start over, meaning three weeks of the pill followed by an ultrasound/bloodwork followed by Lupron. However, another reason for the silver lining ... this regimen has not been hard for me, so I know I can do it again. Everything happens for a reason ~
Please don't think I'm going to stop writing just because the IVF cycle has temporarily ended. I've become used to writing almost every night and will continue to do so ... I'm sure the sinus issues will take on a life of their own as I jump through the necessary medical hoops to move ahead with my treatment, so please feel free to check in from time to time!!

Yearning for Knowledge

It's a gorgeous Saturday morning here in Gulfport with the sun FINALLY shining outside!! We're going to finish painting today, then I plan to research the internet about these high estrogen levels so I can ask some questions tomorrow at our appointment. Otherwise all is well. No period yet, so we're just back to waiting. We do a lot of that in IVF ...

3:15 PM Have had a-ha moment with lightbulb going off in head. Just came across website about IVF which said high estrogen levels can be caused by ovarian cysts. During my ultrasound on Thursday, the tech said I had a cyst (though small) on my right ovary. Now when favorite IVF nurse Sabrina called, she said I didn't have any cysts, which I took to mean the cyst was too small to matter. Should not have assumed anything but should have asked then. Perhaps small cyst is the cause of the trouble not lining of uterus. Shall see ...

Blissful Ignorance

Well, I should have known this wouldn't be a red-letter day when I flat-ironed my ear this morning. Very painful but thankfully short-lived.
Appointment in Mobile went ok ... it's somewhat like an assembly line. After you've spent your time in the waiting room with other lucky infertility patients wondering if their uterine lining is as thick as yours, you're called back. Ultrasound, bloodwork, weigh and out the door. Anyway, it serves me right for not having a clue what they were looking for with the hormone levels because it turns out that's where I may have a problem. (Again, I can't emphasize enough how much the whole IVF experience is completely outside the parameters of my control.)Turns out my estrogen level, which should most likely have dropped at this point, is still high. Now this could be attributed to one major factor and one that I haven't yet mentioned so as not to gross out any male readers, but now I must say it. After approximately 14 days of Lupron, you get a period. This gets rid of your uterine lining and normally your estrogen levels drop. Now I haven't had this period yet, so they're assuming that's why the estrogen levels remain elevated. However, just to get me for being so smug about knowing I was returning on Monday instead of some unforeseen time, I am now to return on Sunday morning for a repeat ultrasound and bloodwork, thereby throwing our weekend completely out of whack. Oh, well. At least Anthony will be going with me this time. Lucky boy.
To top off the day, my allergy doctor called with the results of my sinus CT scan, and I have numerous anatomical abnormalities in my sinuses that have resulted in a moderate chronic infection on both sides of my face. However, he would like to try to treat it with some serious antibiotics and then move to surgery if necessary. Now those of you who know me know sinus problems are just part of my life, but the best part of this story occurred when I went to the pharmacy to pick up the antibiotic. I was dressed in maroon sweatpants covered in paint (we've started painting the living room), cheetah print slippers, and a sweatshirt with no bra. No problem as I was merely going to the drive-through. Wrong. Drive-through is closed at night. I had to actually go into the pharmacy dressed in my pj's, and of course my prescription was nowhere near ready yet as they had gotten "swamped' at some point in the evening. So I just curled right up in their waiting area and read a fascinating leaflet on living healthy with diabetes. (and no, I don't have diabetes but it was interesting nonetheless.)
Oh, I almost forgot. The REALLY good news is that between now and Sunday I get to stick with my same one shot a day instead of adding on two more!! Fewer injections are always good news ...

New Guestbook

Anthony just figured out how to put a little guestbook on my site, so if you get a chance check it out. It's at the top of the page, and I think it's a little easier than posting a comment after each entry. Anyway, just click on the icon then click post ... I think. A few ads may pop up, but just close those out.

Midnight Thoughts

All set for my appointment tomorrow, although perhaps I should offer a short explain of its importance. So far I've been taking Lupron to shut down my ovaries, etc. The next injections I'll be taking will be to stimulate my ovaries to produce multiple follicles (eggs); therefore, favorite IVF nurse Sabrina must check my ovaries to make sure there are no substantial ovarian cysts which will only grow and get worse during the stimulating injections phase. That's the purpose of tomorrow's ultrasound. Should there be any big cysts the IVF cycle could potentially be cancelled for the moment. The other part of tomorrow involves bloodwork, where they'll be checking my levels of estrogen and luteinizing hormone. I'm not exactly sure what they'll be looking for there, but I'll get back to you. There's something so unnatural about blood being removed from one's body -- it seems the sort of thing that should stay in.
I've only had one panic attack related to tomorrow ... I was scheduled to drop my Lupron dosage the morning of my ultrasound, which was originally scheduled for Friday, as I mentioned yesterday but was then moved to Thursday. So did that mean I dropped my dosage tomorrow morning since that's the morning of my ultrasound or hold off until Friday as originally planned?? I had visions of dropping my dose too early and my entire reproductive system firing back up at a moment's notice and then having favorite IVF nurse Sabrina cancel my entire IVF cycle because of my own stupidity. Naturally these thoughts came to me in the middle of the night, so first thing this morning I called and was told to do my regular dose tomorrow and wait for further instructions. Favorite IVF nurse Sabrina to the rescue once again.
Tomorrow really is no big deal as far as what actually happens. This is the same ultrasound/bloodwork I had for all four cycles of IUI, so it's nothing new and certainly nothing scary. I've gotten to know everyone in the office (that happens when you're there as often as I am), so it's kind of like going to visit friends. In a weird sort of way.

The Control Issue

Today I feel I am ready for my registered nurse degree ... I didn't even feel my shot this morning, an indication of just how gifted I am with a syringe nowadays. Yesterday was not so good, although I forgot to mention it. Somehow I managed to hit the one and only area I had previously bruised, and it was NOT a good feeling.
Just to maintain the level of non-control one has over the IVF process, favorite IVF nurse Sabrina called today to move up my ultrasound/bloodwork appt. from Friday to Thursday. This is to allow their office to be closed on Tuesday for Fat Tuesday. Go figure. This actually works out ok for me as I know my return day will be Monday following my appt. on Thursday instead of having no idea. See how they dangle that control thing out there?? Normally you go in for your ultrasound/bloodwork appt., then wait for the nurse to call THAT AFTERNOON with further instructions, which could include an appt. the following morning. After my appt. on Monday, it'll be a big ole guessing game ...
To update the near yellow paint tragedy: if possible the hideous yellow got even brighter during the night to the point that this morning I was horribly distracted by it as I tried to read the paper. It's that bright. However, my aunt has just painted her living room a warm and beautiful shade of yellow, and (with her blessing) I am now the owner of a small quart of that color and LOVE it. Problem solved as we have plans to buy several gallons and paint our living room this weekend. Home makeover victory!