Random Pictures Before Christmas

The Challenges of Infertility

wow, how many times have I had to share bad news with you all?? For those of you who do not yet know, I had a miscarriage the week before Christmas, but if it weren't for those early blood tests I might have never even known I was pregnant. Nonetheless, it is a loss and one we're still coming to grips with. We meet with our doctor on the 9th to discuss our future options, and then we'll decide where to go from here.
In the meantime, Annie (the miracle) is keeping us very occupied, as usual. Her zest for life continues to amaze me, even if she is going through a phase (hopefully short-lived) where she absolutely does NOT like me, and her new favorite word is "NO!" Ah, parenting just keeps challenging us ... Pictures coming soon, I promise ...

Blessings Continue To Abound

And so the good news continues ... had second blood test today, and beta number had tripled ... excellent, excellent sign, and we are very excited! As always, thank you for the calls, comments, prayers, etc.

The Wait Is Over, At Least for Now

alright, for all you people checking the blog ... I am pregnant! Now don't misunderstand ( and this is not to be pessimistic but realistic) this is a VERY fragile time, so be excited but in a cautious manner. My beta test was higher than last time, but I still go back Monday for another one (just standard practice.) And yes, these blood tests and the wait time for the results are absolutely torturous ...
This cycle has been like apples and oranges compared to the last one, and as I've said before, we are so at peace right now. Of course we hope this pregnancy turns out perfectly, but if not for whatever reason, we have our little family right now. As always, this is in God's hands now, and we are very aware of how blessed we are ...

Tick Tock Tick Tock

so the wait continues ... I'd be lying if I said Anthony and I aren't a little anxious about Friday ... nonetheless, I'm so much more at peace with this cycle than with the last one. It's hard to explain. Of course who knows what Friday will bring, but in the meantime, we are so enjoying getting back to our lives and getting ready for the holidays. I've said it before, but no matter what happens Friday, we are incredibly blessed.

"Normal" Life

The Transfer

sorry it's taken me so long to post this, but the transfer went flawlessly (always a good thing) ... 4 embryos were transferred back, which is more than we were thinking, but I understand why, plus it was our doctor's recommendation ... one of the embryos looked pretty good with very little fragmentation; however, the other three weren't growing as well, so nobody's quite sure what's going to happen there ... by putting all 4 back, it increased the chances of even one of them implanting because they continue to get growth factors from each other ... the odds of all 4 implanting are extremely slim, but we could still land on the cover of "Good Housekeeping" or whatever and be looking for someone to donate a 16-passenger van because we had quadruplets ... you just never know ... oh, one more thing: the pregnancy test is December 7 ...

Deja Vu

ok, embryo transfer will be tomorrow morning at 8:30 ... little embryos still growing ... will know more about them tomorrow ...

Waiting and Waiting and Waiting

many apologies for absence here ... had stomach virus for the majority of last week but do have IVF Update: had egg retrieval on Thanksgiving Day, where 16 eggs were retrieved, 6 of which were mature, and 4 of which went on to fertilize (compared to only 1 fertilized egg last time) ... still watching and waiting but embryo transfer likely to be Sunday or Tuesday ... will know for sure tomorrow ...

More Good News

news from the IVF front continues to look really good ... lots of follicles developing, and estradiol level today was 3537 ( compared to 2682 at this time last cycle)... will go in tomorrow for more bloodwork and another ultrasound, go in Wednesday for bloodwork only, very likely do the Ovidrel injections Wednesday night to "trigger" ovulation and have the retrieval on Thanksgiving ... those are strictly educated guesses, though, so as usual it's a one day at a time situation ...

Light At The End of the Tunnel

IVF Update:

news from this cycle continues to be good: E2 level today was 1098, whereas at this point in the last cycle it was in the 500's ...
way, way too early to get hopes up; after all, with IVF, anything can happen ...
retrieval should be sometime next week, probably Wednesday or Thursday ... today is day 48 of this cycle, so retrieval will be a most welcome occurrence as shots are getting more than a little old ...
in the meantime, words can't express how much we miss our baby girl, who will now be returning sometime this weekend ...

Finally, Some Good News

Update from IVF world:
had first monitoring visit today since finally started the stims phase on Saturday the 10th with addition of Menopur and Bravelle injections (the function of these meds is basically to make my ovaries produce more follicles ...) now do Lupron injection (to keep my body from ovulating on its own,) and Bravelle injection in the morning, and an injection of Bravelle and Menopur at night ... trust me, you get used to it ...
anyway, the results from today's E2 bloodwork worth it anyway ... my E2 level was 352 as compared to 185 at this point in the last cycle ... E2 levels measure the amount of estrogen your body is producing as follicles develop ... today's results were very good, so thank God for that! and, of course, thank you for your prayers ...
I go back this Friday for another monitoring visit ... sort of fun as I always meet new people in the waiting room ... let's face it, I could talk to a brick wall ...

The Mad Scientist

occurred to me today that all I write about these days is IVF ... also occurred to me how IVF sort of has a big fat honking way of taking over your life ... my choice, though...

started my new meds Saturday, the ones designed to make your ovaries huge as they develop all the follicles (we hope)... was hit very quickly by the side effects ... have already had 2 at least 2-hour naps today ... oh, in case anyone is wondering where precious Annie is, she's in Columbus with her grandparents ... to say we miss her would be a hideous understatement .... to say our parents have been incredibly supportive would also be a hideous understatement ... oh, and I have definitely shortchanged one other person, and that would be my husband ... we had our 9-year anniversary on the 7th, but honestly it's hard to remember life without him ... he's always wonderful (well, usually) but he is especially amazing during this phase of IVF ... we're like mad scientists in the bathroom mixing up all the meds ... ok, he mixes the meds, and I just watch ...

Blessings

Lately I have come across so many people, even randomly (or not so randomly,) who have been through the world of infertility. These people are sometimes my friends, members of my family or just strangers whose paths I happen to cross. What I have been struck by over and over are the various routes these individuals have taken and the outcomes they have found. Honestly, infertility and all that it entails is one of the most perplexing experiences I have ever had.
Some people wonder why you ever enter into this sometimes physically and emotionally agonizing world to begin with. For Anthony and for me, we only have to look at our beautiful daughter to know. How this cycle is going to turn out is anybody's guess. As I've mentioned before, you reach a point where you just want to go back to some kind of normal family life, and honestly it's hard for me to remember what that normal life is like.
As we continue this cycle, there remain innumerable questions ... I will say, though, that I am realizing more and more each day what a precious blessing Annie is, and our family of five (can't leave out Mary and Hope!) is a miracle to get on my knees and thank God for everyday.

Lucy Tooter Barclay

IVF Update

Update: cyst has now gone away completely, and estrogen level at appropriate number to be considered "suppressed..." have dropped Lupron dose and will start new meds on Saturday ... this is all good news ...
as always, thank you all so much for your thoughts, prayers, comments on the blog, calls, etc. to remind me of your love and support ... I'm sure there are people out there who get through IVF on their own, but I'm glad I'm not one of them ...

Constant Prayer

and so it goes with this interminable IVF cycle ... turns out cyst is now leaking blood, which isn't as bad as it sounds but will slow things down a bit ... go back Monday and hopefully estrogen level will be low enough to move along to stims phase and find the end of this cycle ... in meantime, feel bloated and leaking blood from ovary is definitely not pain-free ... giving serious thought to this being the last IVF cycle no matter what happens ... considering I started blogging after we entered the world of infertility, we have done 7 months of Clomid, 4 IUI's and 4 cycles of IVF (if you count the one in Mobile that was cancelled because of a cyst) ... this has consumed around 6 years of our lives, and I think we're just about ready to get onto some normal life ... besides (and I realize I'm a little on the prejudice side here,) if we had to dream of a more wonderful child than Annie, I don't think we could ... she is, as I've said before, our miracle and truly a gift from God ... she is healthy, happy, loved and all the things you can only hope your child will be ... I pray constantly; I only hope I recognize the answer when it comes ...

Happy Cowloween!

Moo Moo

Happy Halloween to everyone!
On the IVF front ... how quickly things can change: went in Monday, had cyst on left ovary so will be waiting for remainder of week and going in next Monday to see how things have progressed ... sort of in holding pattern and continuing on Lupron ... no new meds yet ...
as far as Annie's Moms' Day Out, she is loving it and adapting extremely well ... definitely a win-win situation for both of us ...
she'll be going trick-or-treating as a cow tonight, which is ironic because I feel like one these days with all the bloating ... wonder if cows feel that way?

Panic and Prayer

IVF Update:

went in Thursday for suppression check and, just like last time, had not yet had period (lowers estrogen level) and was not suppressed, which will lead to a return visit Monday or Tuesday with the hopes that I'll have a period very, very soon ... went to Anthony's office to meet him for lunch and, of course, started my period there. As far as IVF goes, this is a good thing. I go in Tuesday for an appointment, Wednesday for an appointment, and Friday for an appointment. In the meantime, Annie has Moms' Day Out on Tuesday and Thursday, and we start all new shots this week. For review (what a nerd I've become) the new meds are the stims meds whose purpose is to stimulate my ovaries to produce tons and tons of follicles.
On the personal front (as if it could get more personal,) I've found myself in a rather constant state of panic ... our last cycle was such a shock (in a bad way) that I'm so scared this one will be, too. And yes, favorite people who say "let's cross that bridge when we get there," you're absolutely right. Still, IVF is nothing if not panic-inducing, so please, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers because we're definitely heading toward the finish line ...

Annie In Black and White

Saturday

Mom's Day Out not even remotely traumatic, even for me ... no tears were shed ... teachers said Annie acted like she'd been there forever ...
IVF rocks on ... what can I say? don't always feel good but is to be expected ... will go in Thursday for my suppression check to make sure everything is "shut down" and then will proceed to the stims phase ...
must return to SEC football ...

Annie in October

The Drama Goes On

ah, where to begin? has been big few days ... first, Annie has finally made it to the top of one of the waiting lists she was on for a moms' day out program at one of the churches in Franklin ... she starts Thursday and will be going Tuesdays and Thursdays ... this is a good thing, but when I was buying all her little supplies at Target over the weekend, I almost started crying and then threw myself into the kitchen floor when I got home and did have a complete breakdown ... and yes, I know I am prone to drama, but even Anthony can vouch for the breakdown ... maybe she could just live here forever and never leave ... she could be educated by me (except for math, science and duh, geography) ... so that only leaves English but whatever ... must be brave on Thursday ...
started Lupron shots this AM so IVF goes on and on ... hit me, hot flashes and nausea ... oh wait, they already did just today ...

Annie and Kayla

This is Annie with our favorite babysitter, Kayla ...

Press Your Luck

think the IVF "crazies" may be on the way ... have image of Anthony in the "Press Your Luck" game but instead of hollering out "no whammies, big bucks," he's screaming "NO DRAMA, NO DRAMA"

Touch A Truck

spent part of the afternoon at "Touch A Truck" which is exactly what it sounds like it would be ... kids get to check out everything from ambulances to fire trucks to trolleys, etc. ... I personally was fascinated by the inside of the ambulance ... since when did I become not a kid anymore?