Happy Girl

Liquid Gold

must be crazy person to engage in IVF again ... had 4-hour class today (not as bad as it sounds) but is still overwhelming despite having been through the process before ... medicine is so insanely expensive our instructor/nurse referred to it as "liquid gold"

nonetheless, cannot put a price on having a child, so here we go again ... next step is (for longtime readers, modesty is of course out the window) my period ... roughly 20 days away then we will begin the 55-day (or so) IVF schedule leading up to the embryo transfer then hopefully pregnancy ... shall see ...

in meantime, will try not to stress out about upcoming situation and remember how successful all was last time ...

14 Months Old

realize has been terribly long time since blogged so here we go ... (have spent too much time researching season finale of "Lost" ... was absolutely mind-boggling ...)

Annie is officially 14 months old today ... so hard to believe ... is (as I always say) SO close to walking but perhaps they stay at that little stage for a very long time? no clue really but know she'll walk when she's ready ...
continues to babble in her own little language ... think I wish she could talk but have heard from so many friends that once they start they never stop ... shall see ...

got sweet Annie a whale shaped pool yesterday but who knows if she'll like it since her baths are just this side of horrific ... she acts as if we have dropped her into a torture chamber ... is insane ... too bad tonight is bath night ...

The Yard Shorts and Beyond

has been gorgeous weekend here ... Anthony took Friday off (just because,) so we've had a long weekend together, which has been wonderful ... and may I preface what follows by saying again what a thoughtful husband I have ...

now moving along to the good stuff ... I'm still trying to figure out the issue some men seem to have with clothes that are basically disintegrating on their person and why they are unable to get rid of them ... take my husband, for example, and a pair of shorts that are old and have a split in the seam so big that, well, we'll just leave it at that ... he calls this monstrosity his "yard shorts" and feels they're appropriate to wear outside because he's sitting on the riding mower and no one can see anything they shouldn't ... personally, I am beyond mortified when he puts them on because I happen to be fairly friendly with our neighbors, and I also know he has to get off that mower at some point, and then that gigantic split will be out there for everyone to see ...

Now let me make this clear ... these shorts (I use the term loosely) were not at all expensive, and we bought them at least 7 years ago, so we could most definitely replace them ... but I try to even remotely suggest this to him, and he just stares at me. I can only picture a ceremony in the backyard where we have to bury the shorts and speak lovely words about how good they've been for all these years. (Oh, by the way, don't go in my closet, though, there actually are things in there that need to be kept for at least 50 more years: pajamas that don't fit anymore but will someday, out-of-style clothes that I am POSITIVE are coming back around, etc. It's super important to keep things that really matter.)

In most of these pictures, you may notice something pink around Annie's neck. This is a headband from when she was a tiny little baby that she loves to play with and has just started putting over her head ... no earthly idea how it still fits ...

All of God's Creatures

To begin, I follow another blog about a little girl currently in remission from neuroblastoma, which is a particularly wicked childhood cancer. Well, two days ago, the dad (who writes the blog) wrote a piece about their 16-year-old dog who they had to put to sleep and the resulting questions from their young kids. Of course the questions were poignant, funny and all the things you'd expect from young children ...

The blog made me think about our girls and how we absolutely cherish them beyond words ... let me backtrack a bit: my family is an animal family, and by that I mean most of us have dogs, cats, etc. and we love them dearly. They are part of the family; no, they are family. In the past few years, several of these animals have had to be put to sleep, including a wonderful dog who belonged to some good friends of ours in Gulfport.

These animals have carved out such a significant place in our hearts that their deaths, even the ones we knew were coming, were incredibly difficult. For those wonderful animals still living with us, it is impossible to imagine life without them. Our girls, Mary and Hope, came into our lives in very different ways. Mary was a birthday gift from Anthony 8 years ago and Hope was homeless and pathetic when I went to visit my very last client in March of that same year, so I just scooped up that little puppy and she became family.

So for almost 7 years before Annie came into the world, Mary and Hope were like our children. They still are, and together we've all made the necessary adjustments needed for when a child comes into your life. They're spoiled rotten, and we love them beyond words. If you want to visit a house free of dog hair, tennis balls (Mary's favorites), dog toys, and all things necessary to properly care for a beloved pet, don't come to my house. I'd rather have the happiness, company, and joy they bring than a spotless house.

The funny thing about pets is that they're always there for you; they never disappoint; they never judge; they always listen; they're exceptional company; they teach life lessons you sometimes can't find words for, and the list is endless. Bottom line: I am so grateful Annie will grow up knowing Mary and Hope because I don't know anyone who makes her laugh harder than they do.

And as for us? Well, as hard as it was to let our friends' and family's animals go, I'm just glad we had the opportunity to know the animals who are now in a far better place. So Honey, Molly, Parker, Katie, Lucy, Bailey and Mooch: thank you. God bless you ...

New Pictures

Anthony's parents were here last weekend, so here are a few pictures of all of us ...

Happy Mother's Day

where to begin? so many thoughts on this Mother's Day ... by the by, the first picture in the set is Annie one year ago today ...

I was taking a lovely even-shaving-my-legs Mother's Day bath awhile ago, and I realized what I would write about today. I was in the bathtub anticipating a peaceful moment of tranquility (just the thought makes me laugh now) and then Annie was scratching at the door, Hopie was barking at I-don't-know-what, and my precious husband was hollering in to see if I knew where something was he couldn't find. Moment of tranquility? Not so much.

Motherhood is such a profound change it's almost impossible to put into words. I think this every single time I try to go to the bathroom during the day, and I'm ALWAYS joined by Annie, Mary and Hope, all just staring at me. There is no "me" time anymore and probably won't be for awhile. (and this is all with just one child.)

Before I fall asleep at night, I now wonder if I was a good mom that particular day ... did I do enough with my precious child? Did I have enough patience? Was I too concerned with laundry and keeping the household going? Did I actually get in the floor with her and laugh enough? Usually I think I did ok, but I'm never quite sure.

Today I think about my own mom, who is unselfish beyond words and never too busy for me. She's patient, giving, loving and all the things I hope I can be for Annie. She lost her mom almost six years ago, and to say she is missed would be a gross understatement. My beloved grandmother was an incredibly nurturing person who always made us feel loved. And then there's my aunt Mar, who's just an unbelievable mom ... she's practically my mom, too, and I say that with great pride. Since I have become a mom, I think back to the women in my family and what they might do in a given situation ...

And so on this Mother's Day, I can't really think of anything I want Annie to know more than that she's loved beyond words, and I hope I can be half as good a mom as the examples I will try to follow. And to the moms in my family and to the moms out there in readerville, Happy Mother's Day! And most especially to Danielle, Kelly, Kate and Mandi, I love y'all!

Annie and Hopie

The Pick-Up Artist

wondering if the nose-picking phase ever ends? Annie's, not mine. precious child loves to just mine for gold or even simply rest her finger up her nose ... suppose is a good place for that little finger to go. still, public places are her favorite times to do it ... swear she doesn't do "the picking" at home nearly as often as if we are out and about ...

no comment on the stalking birds but is ongoing saga ... have this hideous fear they're just waiting on me and some vulnerable moment ... nonetheless, scary birds are God's creatures and will take care of them (wait, "take care of them" as in continue to feed them not do away with them...)

IVF class scheduled for May 30 is cause for some stress ... not because I have any fear whatsoever about the actual class but because it will signal our return to IVF Planet ... still turn this over in my head at night ... am 33 and MUST do IVF in order to have sibling for Annie before much-referred hysterectomy ... if don't do IVF now, must continue to live with pain of endometriosis and continuous surgeries until we get ready for IVF or can just go ahead and do it now ... with much-discussed decision to do IVF now will be able to move toward ending endometriosis and feeling better ... life is oh-so-interesting, isn't it? ... decision seems no-brainer ...

Could I Get An Amen, Part 2

Could I Get An Amen?

ok, what to do, what to do? birds continue to gather, and I swear they are staring at me through the window ...

has been rough few days with the tiny one ... she's still cutting a tooth and has her cough going on ... her new thing is to spit out her cough medicine ... lovely as this makes it impossible to tell how much she's had and therefore re-administer the meds ... plus she is, of course, much fussier than usual since she's teething ... being a mom is just one challenge after the next ... actually that is possibly the understatement of the year ...

Bird Stalkers

has been lovely family weekend ... had to return ladders to friend today (precious husband used them during painting of living room) and actually (brace yourselves, readers) took recipe over to share with her ... yes, you have read correctly ... self actually borrowed a recipe (one involving cooking) from another friend to share ... self is becoming cooking machine ... that's right, a COOK ... my great-aunt (one of the best cooks EVER) would be so very proud!! ok, fine, admission time: friend across the street made the recipe for me, so have only had it there for lunch but still ... intentions to cook must surely count for something.

terrible time has intermittently interrupted wonderful weekend: birds from bird feeder travesty are stalking me. swear they are knocking on windows with their beaks and waiting for me since I briefly denied them of their food ... mostly are blackbirds, which are a smidge frightening on a good day, but still ... feel they know my name, and not in a "Cheers" sort of way ...

in meantime, Annie is funny as usual and so very entertaining ... still loves to put her finger up her nostril (and our nostrils) but somehow is precious ... there we all were watching golf today, and Annie was just sitting on the couch with her finger up her nose ... won't say which parent she may have gotten that from ...

Blackbird, Blackbird

ok, life update: first, we're absolutely officially back on IVF planet ... we had our bloodwork done yesterday, and I had a procedure done called a saline sonogram ... this basically allows the doctor a good view of your uterus to look for any abnormalities, etc. ... it wasn't painful and no more uncomfortable than a pap smear except of course the big bag of saline that was put into my uterus ... still, no big deal at all, and the best news? My uterus is perfectly normal ... imagine that, something on me works just like it should! Now we just wait for bloodwork results and schedule our class, so within the next month or two we'll be starting our first cycle ...
now, personal life update ... my parents have been here for a couple of days to watch Annie so we could go to the symphony last night ... well, after I returned from the dr's office and was laying down for a bit (not to be gross, but all the saline that went in had to come out) they all went to Publix ... I was resting on the bed with Hopie and suddenly decided it would be a perfect time to refill all the bird feeders in our backyard. Why? Because I am an animal freak (as the majority of you know) and feel that if we don't feed the birds, etc. they will die. Well, all was well until I got to our newest feeder, some three-cylinder device that is wonderful but I had no idea how to work. Of course once I got all the cylinders filled up with seed I absolutely could NOT get the feeder back on its special pole positioning device. Meanwhile all the birds gathered around (I do not exaggerate) and started squawking at me ... I feared for my life because those blackbirds are just not to be trusted. Being that I had taken on this endeavor while alone in the house (Mary and Hope were rolling around in the grass) I had no help and no time because the squawking was just getting out of control LOUD ... I put the whole contraption on the ground to try to figure it out (birds gathering en masse by this point,) seed spilled everywhere, and saline was still, well, you know. I called Anthony, thought I understood how to put the thing back together, did so, and then tried to reposition it on its stand-thingy. I let go, and of course the entire feeder slid all the way down the pole, the seed flying EVERYWHERE, and the birds started circling. Ok, the birds didn't circle but still. Huge drama in the backyard. The whole saga ended with my dad getting back from Publix, fixing Satan's bird feeder, and life returning to whatever "normal" is for around here ... God bless the blackbird-crows because I'm scared of them ...

A Woman's Work Is NEVER Done

Annie update: just returned from doctor, a place we've only visited for well-baby check-ups ... our sweet child has a bad cold, complete with lots of drainage and a red throat. However, NO ear infections, and her lungs sound "fabulous" (our doctor's term.) Our doctor said she should be moving toward the end of the cold, which is good, so she'll just stay on over-the-counter stuff unless she gets worse. Precious child is also cutting a tooth (upper right,) which we suspected. She's napping now, so I'm going to do something productive and life-changing. Laundry.