The Stims Phase

started IVF stims meds last night ... that would be Gonal-F (a follicle-stimulating hormone) and Menopur ( a mix of follicle-stimulating hormone and luteinizing hormone)... never dealt with Menopur before so checked out the 60 possible side effects for fun but didn't see "death" among them so figure we're ok ... will continue Lupron injections in the AM and Gonal-F and Menopur at night ... have two monitoring appts. this week, one Wednesday and one Friday ... will know a whole lot more after those as far as retrieval goes ... can't help it, but still thinking about you, Daisy ...

Life Goes On

and so after spending most of the week mourning the loss of Daisy, the world keeps right on turning ...
on that note, IVF keeps going ... had a cyst big enough ("monstrous" was the word my wonderful nurse practitioner used) to slow things down a bit, so the stims phase won't start until Saturday ... the excellent news is that the shots will be three a day, not the possible seven ... will be going in several times next week for monitoring and the unavoidable vampire blood draws ... more good news, though: the staff at the new-to-me center is absolutely amazing ... I am NOT a fan of change, but these people are really, really wonderful ...

Loved, Lost But Never Forgotten

"Dogs are our link to paradise ... to sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace."

- Milan Kundera

"A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam, and for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world. But then it flies on again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel lucky to have seen it at all."

- Anonymous

"To the memory, nothing is ever truly lost."

- Eudora Welty

For once, I find myself at a loss for words. Daisy Day, the beautiful golden retriever mentioned several days ago, has left this world at the very young age of 4. She was the MUCH loved dog of Kelly and Michael (my cousin and her husband.) Although she was only here for a short time, she brought joy to so very many people. She lived a wonderfully happy life and always had a twinkle in her eye. When I think of her, even now, I smile at what have become memories that I am grateful to have.

She was an extraordinary animal, and those of us who were lucky enough to cross her path will not forget her ... ever.

The Return of Annie

and so our little girl is home again, and it is wonderful! since about the fourth of July, she's been taking steps, and she's just taking more and more, so I suppose technically she's walking ...

IVF continues ... still in the "suppression stage" and will be until Thursday, when I go in to see how things are going ... what this means is that the birth control pills and the Lupron injections are suppressing (shutting down) my reproductive system so it will be under the dr's control ... next comes what is known as the "stims phase," which means new injections (new medicines) whose purpose is to stimulate my ovaries to produce as many eggs as possible will be used... this is where things get interesting ... ovaries start to swell, and things get a smidge uncomfortable ... for my IVF protocol, I'll be doing three medications a day and potentially 7 injections ... I'll find out more Thursday ... it's possible I'll be doing only 4 injections daily ...

fortunately, Annie has two sets of grandparents in Columbus who have so very graciously offered to have her come visit, so we'll be taking her on Sunday to spend the week ... as I said, this is where the IVF injections and ovarian swelling get pretty uncomfortable, so having her with her grandparents is a blessing for me so that I can lay in bed and read, watch movies, etc. ... please don't misunderstand: we miss her beyond words, but this will give me a chance to relax ...

faith, hope, love and courage ...

Our New Friends, Carrie and Kellie

went to the American Idols concert last night and had amazing time ... there's some website a work friend of Anthony's told him about where you just enter your name and you can win all these tickets, so we won some to the concert ... the Idols were really, really great, but the bonus part was that in the middle of the show we noticed a sort of murmuring around us and realized that Carrie Underwood (top picture, and the girl who won American Idol Season 4) and Kellie Pickler (next picture and in top 10 last year) were sitting about 6 rows behind us ... was very exciting and HUGE celebrity sighting, so entire night was fabulous!

For Annie and Daisy

so IVF moves along ... 5 shots under my belt ( medicine is Lupron,) and only bothered by the occasional hot flash, at which time I just look down and make sure I haven't burst into flames ...
Annie has gone to her grandparents' in Columbus for a few days ... odd how you think it'll be a great time to rest and have a little peace and quiet, and then suddenly she's gone, and the silence is deafening ... missing you already, baby girl ...
Daisy, the happy and beautiful dog who has brought so much joy in such a short period of time, our thoughts and prayers are with you ... faith, hope, love and courage .... one way or the other, everything's going to be ok ...

Annie in her jammies

Faith, Hope, Love and Courage

And so it is the eve of the REAL beginning of IVF, the shots. I've decided to just go ahead and admit that I'm a little scared this time, and that it's ok. Fear is always ok, and sometimes saying that you're afraid makes you stronger. Odd little paradox.
There are three little words that have gotten me through the various crises of my life, particularly the year 2001, when we had the indescribable horror of September 11, and I also had the back to back to back deaths of three people I absolutely and completely loved. And so I depended on those three words: faith, hope and love. But this time I'm adding "courage" to the list, and I'm writing these words on a little piece of paper and taping it to my bathroom mirror where I'll see it everytime I reach for the necessary medicine, syringes, etc. And I know in my heart I can get through this.
Faith, Hope, Love and Courage.